Limericks

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Limerick Collection

The limerick is furtive and mean
You must keep her in close quarantine
Or she sneaks to the slums
And promptly becomes
Disorderly, drunk and obscene.

On this next one remember that 1,2 and 5 all have to rhyme.

There was an old man of the isles
Who suffered severely from pisles
He couldn’t sit down
Without a deep frown
So he had to row standing for misles

You can even use them for mathematical explanations

‘Tis a favourite project of mine,
A new value of pi to assign.
I would fix it at 3,
For it’s simpler, you see,
Than 3 point 1 4 1 5 9

Some can prove to be mysterious. Can you finish this and comment on it?

A limerick fan from Australia

regarded his work as a failure:

his verses were fine

until the fourth line

?

I really enjoy twists of logic

A bather whose clothing was strewed,
By winds that left her quite nude,
Saw a man come along,
And unless we are wrong,
You expected this line to be lewd.

 

Could you do this by jumping back and forth across the International Date Line?

There was a young lady named Kite
Whose speed was much faster than light.
She left home one day
In a relative way
And returned on the previous night.

Ever been embarrassed like this?

I once took my boss to a tea;
It was just as I thought it would be:
His rumblings abdominal
Were simply phenomenal,
And everyone thought it was me.

Skinny, skinny, skinny….

There once was a dieter named Steen
Who grew so phenomenally lean
And flat, and compressed,
That his back touched his chest,
So that sideways he couldn’t be seen.

Always look at the bright side…

A young schizophrenic named Struther,
Who learned of the death of his Brother,
Said, “I know that its bad,
But I don’t feel too sad.
After all, I still have each other.”

Funny then but political now and still funny!!!

Said an ape as he swung by his tail,

 

To his offspring both female and male,

 

“From your offspring, my dears,

 

In a couple of years,

 

May evolve a professor at Yale.”

And that is the way it is, six thousand years later…

God’s plan made a hopeful beginning,

But Man spoiled his chances by sinning;


We trust that the story


Will end in great glory,

But at present the other side’s winning.

Could this be called “unexpected consequences?”

 

There was a young lady named Rose

 

Who had a large wart on her nose.

 

When she had it removed

 

Her appearance improved,

 

But her glasses slipped down to her toes.

I believe that observation skills might be in order!!

An elderly man called Keith

 

Mislaid his set of false teeth -

 

They’d been laid on a chair,

 

He’d forgot they were there,

 

Sat down, and was bitten beneath.

I like this one can it makes you put two simple puzzle parts together.

There’s a wonderful family called Stein:

There’s Gert and there’s Ep and there’s Ein.

Gert’s poems are bunk,

Ep’s statues are junk,

And no one can understand Ein.




A limerick that is also a tongue twister

There was a fisherman named Fisher
who fished for some fish in a fissure.
Till a fish with a grin,
pulled the fisherman in.
Now they’re fishing the fissure for Fisher.


A fly and flea flew into a flue,
said the fly to the flea ‘what shall we do?’
‘let us fly’ said the flea
said the fly ‘shall we flee’
so they flew through a flaw in the flue.



 

 

 

More to come!!

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